Odyne
by fadedjae
Summary: Daisuke muses over a failed wooing. (one sided DaikenKensuke)


I think that everyone needs a motto in life. There has to be a quote that describes something so perfectly that you can't help but here it when events take place. For example, I think that my motto is "if something can go wrong, it will." It's either that or "the harder you try the dumber you look." Either way, I'm a screwed permanently for life.

My motto (or mottoes if you're feeling particularly cruel) illustrates just how unbelievably stupid I am. It's not about luck, because I have the biggest supply of that in the world. It's about my actions and my choices. No matter what I do, I fuck it up someway. Motomiya Daisuke, "he who fails uncontrollably." And that's me, for sure. Maybe it's a gift. It'd be a curse, actually, but the point is that no one that I've met in my many travels has ever lost as many times as I have.

And Ichijouji Ken is my biggest loss. By far. His loss wasn't just another "damn, I did it again," but rather a permanent scar that gives me pain whenever it's touched. Ichijouji Ken, my former best friend and soul mate that broke my heart into tiny little shining pieces of glass. He shattered me completely. It wasn't his fault, of course. It was my mistake to attempt to lower him to my level.

If you've never suffered heartache then you can't comprehend the pain no matter how many poetic phrases I use. I'll sum it up plainly: it's like dying the most painful way imaginably, only you never die. You just lie there in shuddering destruction with no relief ever to save you. (I think I may have stollen that line from a song, it sounds too cool to be my own.)

But if you're one of those who have loved and lost, then sympathize with me. Poor old Daisuke, the stupid little boy who once thought (dreamt!) that the golden Ichijouji Ken would ever leave his heavenly plane to mingle with a dirty commoner.

It was only yesterday that I had launched my plan to win Ken for myself. I had waited years, silently lusting, until I couldn't stand not having the glorious Ken any longer. Even now, I can't control the shivers that he inspires in me. No amount of masturbation or porn can relieve me. That's the worst part. Wanting forever, never having.

And I had thought that it would work. Best friends often turn into something more. We were each other's entire lives, friends as close as brothers. That sounds vaguely incestuous and maybe a little gross, and trust me, my love was anything but pure. I lusted for him daily. Hourly, even. I've heard the average man thinks about sex seven times every hour; I thought about sex with Ken every fucking minute. It came to a point where I was desperate for the guy.

When I consulted the all-powerful, all-knowing Yagami Taichi, the sage had little to say on the subject. He pondered and wondered and concluded at long last that I should grow some balls and tell the illustrious Ken how I felt. When pressed for more information, Tai told me that he didn't give a flying fuck about my soap opera and if I wanted to play soccer I should shut the hell up and concentrate on the ball for once.

My master has wisdom in his head somewhere but I think his monstrous hair interferes with his thinking.

Thus I went to Ishida Yamato, hoping for the enlightenment that Tai failed to give. I though that he could succeed where Taichi had failed; he certain looked more appropriate for my questions, and I figured that his being a musician made him susceptible to emotions and crap and his hair is really pretty. The bastard was even less help then his damn boyfriend. He looked me deep in the eyes and said, "Well, what do you think?" I told him about my confusion and apprehension and how I thought that Ken would reject me, and what did he think? "What do you think?" He replied with an arched eyebrow. Well, fucker, if I had a concrete solution to this shit I wouldn't be asking for your opinion! So this went on, him asking stupid questions and me getting no where. He's a guy looking guy, but a little slow on the uptake.

But that was all in the past. This week I'm meeting with Takeru and his love slave Hikari (incidentally, my last female crush which turned into another failure). Tomorrow I'm having a discussion with Miyako about how all men are dicks and should die and how the world would be so much better if it was run by lesbians. The day after that Jun and I are going to go shopping and eat ice-cream and bemoan our fates of being single.

And I'll smile and pretend that they understand and that yeah, I'll get over him. And when I go to sleep I'll try not to cry and will end up doing it anyway.


End file.
